- Written by Fuzzy
Scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North have been continuing to monitor the effects of deadly viruses brought on by the bad economy. Just when the world was starting to recover from the deadly H1N1 virus, along comes a new one more deadly than ever before. There is currently no known cure.
The Ebola Virus is transmitted to people from wild animals and spreads in the human population through human-to-human transmission. We have shown before that poor credit ratings and out of control spending can speed the transmission along, so put away your credit cards, unless you are renting a car to get out of town fast.
Also, because people associate with others in the same socio-economic groups, the chances are very high for cross-infection. By the time you realize you have Ebola, you may have infected as many as 50 others.
Some of our scientists warn that it is highly contagious, and you could get the deadly Ebola virus, just from reading news reports about Ebola. The more times you read the word Ebola in a paragraph, the more chances you have of getting infected by the Ebola virus. By the time you read Ebola for the fifth time, you are have a greater than 50% likelihood of catching the Ebola virus, especially if you are reading this in west Africa.
Airlines have been hit badly with the new virus, on top of the continuing fuel surcharges. Especially those coming out of Africa. The close proximity of passengers increases the chances of infection. If you own stock in any airlines we advise you to dump your shares at below market value, and give the proceeds to the CDC as fast as you can.
Fatality rates for the Ebola virus have varied from 25% to 90%, and average around 50%, depending upon your FICO score. Check your credit ratings and correct any errors while you still can!
Some victims of the Ebola virus may find that they are not covered under their current Obama care plans. In such cases you will be mis-informed that you have a flu and sent home with antibiotics. If this happens to you, you have only a few hours to live. Fixing your credit score can't save you any more, so just put a paper bag on your head and lie down somewhere quiet. Some other patients were sent home with the following information:
Scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North are working on a potential anti-virus to the deadly Ebola virus, code named Espoona, but it is a long way from being ready. Eventually the plan is to give out Espoona to everyone who contracts Ebola. But based on the incubation time, if you have Ebola now, you are out of time for getting Espoona.
The best methods right now are around prevention. You need to lock yourself inside your home, cancel your credit cards and wear a sub-micron surgical face mask. If you inherit a large sum of money it can't help either. Be sure to let your credit agency know so they can update your credit rating.
Finally, our previous advice of not to walking under any ladders, or stepping on cracks in the pavement still stands.