- Written by Cyber Mole
One chilling discovery we at Bad Economy have recently found out, from those anonymously speaking off of the record, is that Ireland’s population of Leprechauns have recently been getting death threats ordering them to hand over their precious crocks of gold. Those willing to speak anonymously have said the threats came from those with an Elbonian accent.
What could the Elbonians be up to?
Our secret sources have given us a heads up that this is a plot to make the infamous mass emigration in the nineteenth century due to the Irish potato famine, where the population in Ireland dropped between 20 and 25 percent. leading to the Irish diaspora pale into insignificance.
Recently due to the Bad Economy, the republic of Ireland has had severe financial problems. European ministers reached an agreement over a bail-out for the Irish Republic worth about 85bn euros ($113bn; £72bn).The idea is that this 35bn euros is to go towards propping up the failing Irish banking system with the remaining 50bn euros to help the government's day-to-day spending. An average interest rate of 5.8% will be payable on the loans, above the 5.2% paid by Greece for its bail-out.
The Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen told the Irish people that it was the "best available deal for Ireland".
What the Irish people have not been told is that we believe this is a plot by rich Elbonian speculators to grab the whole of the Republic of Ireland for property development. According to our sources, who bring this at great personal risk, the plan is to put up the money for this Irish bail out, then call it in, resulting in the bailiffs coming in and evicting every last person from the republic Ireland as the debt is foreclosed.
Once Ireland is cleared of it’s population, the Elbonian speculators plan to ship in fellow countrymen to help redevelop it, as they can get away with paying them less than the Irish minimum wage, (Which the Irish government is reducing by sheer coincidence) What they plan to redevelop Ireland as, we are yet to discover, but the speculations are that it might be a large theme park, a large call centre complex, or even more dastardly a repository for chemical and nuclear waste.
With such a dastardly plan, it is no wonder that leprechauns have been receiving these death threats. They have until now been sitting on an absolute fortune in gold which could have helped the Irish government out of this financial hole, without having to borrow money from Europe which in turn is actually coming from these Elbonian speculators. This we believe is why the Elbonians want the leprechauns out of the way. They want to make sure Ireland is theirs.
Last week two leprechauns who spoke with Bad Economy were found floating in the River Boyne after being shot execution style., Now the leprechaun community has clammed up after being warned not to speak with us. Leprechauns are running scared, as until now, they thought nobody could touch them. How Elbonians could do this is yet to be discovered. All we know is that no leprechaun wants to speak on or off the record now. Our sources from elsewhere tell us that these guys play hard ball so much, that even the Russian Mafia look like girls scouts in comparison.
(No offense to the Russian Mafia intended)
We asked the Elbonian Consulate to comment as to why they were so heavily involved in financing the Irish bail out on the QT. They refused to even provide a written statement, however two hours later we received a call from someone using an electronic voice distorter, telling us that they know of some really efficient hackers and if we did not back off what happened recently will seem small compared with what they can do.
Here at Bad Economy we refuse to give in to blackmail of this sort and so at great personal risk, we are publicizing this dastardly plan by Elbonian speculators to threaten leprechauns so they can grab a whole country. After all if they grab Ireland, Portugal is next in the firing line and if they grab that, who could be next?