Extreme Weather due to Economy

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Heat waves, droughts, killer storms and more. All caused by the bad economy, and getting worse. In our underground bunkers in the frozen North, our climatologists and economists are tracking the coming global crisis. Extreme weather events are happening at an alarming rate, and are a direct result of the economic collapse. Worse news is that nobody seems to know how to fix the problem.

 

In a previous article we explained the increase in the size of the holes in the ozone layer above the poles, and how it is tied to the economy. As the economy worsens and the greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide build up in the atmosphere, the planet is starting to cook. As temperatures rise, the frequency of downpours and heat waves, as well as the power of hurricanes, has dramatically increased.

Rising temperatures due to angry investors or victims of AIG insurance scams boost the probability of extreme weather, says Tom Karl, director of the National Climatic Data Center; that can "lead to the type of events we are seeing in the Midwest." Laid off factory workers across the country are struggling to survive, and that means less attention is spent on more environmentally friendly practices. "When you are up to your kneck in overdue payments, you forget to recycle." said one former Lehman brothers executive. Climatologists see this and other factors leading to increased global warming and civil unrest.

 

A good example of a casualty of the extreme weather is Cuba, which has been hit so badly last year and this year, that they are literally running out of toilet paper. Several countries, other than the US, are sending emergency aid packages containing used telephone books and stock certificates of bankrupt investment banks to be recycled to make toilet paper. It is too bad that the Cuban government was not able to invest in alternate wiping technologies as we had predicted earlier.

Government plans to deal with this include emergency shelters, mobilzing the national guard, and shipping prominent corporate executives and some senators to Greenland. While the national guard restores order from the rioting citizens, the colder temperatures in Greenland should nullify the hot air produced by the executives and politicians.

Camel High on DrugsNot every Government action is helping though. The troops in Afghanistan have been burning a record Afghanistan opium crop to try and halt the Taliban. The poppy production in Afghanistan has hit record levels despite all efforts of the US and allied forces. And the more they burn to hit the Taliban economy, the more greenhouse gases are released into the atmosphere. The only ones happy about it all are several hundred camels, that are suffering a permanent high from the fumes.