All Those Government Conspiracies Are True In A Bad Economy

When times are bad it's an employer's market, so this new tactic on the part of employers (or driven by market pressures) comes as no surprise. It is a good way to weed out all but the truly motivated candidates and saves money at the same time.

Using cryogenic technology, people can now sleep through the bad times until the economy has rebounded. This new form of suspended animation allows investors to wait out the depression and subsequent rebound. This is not for everyone, and does not come cheap.

When Edward Lorenz an American mathematician and meteorologist, and a pioneer of chaos theory was due to give a talk in 1972 at the 139th meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science he failed to give the title of his talk on chaos theory, Philip Merilees concocted Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas as a title.

In our attempt to find all the implications of the bad economy, we came upon the plight of the pet goldfish. Of course governments take care of the automobile industry and the insurance and banking sectors, but noone has thought to reach out to goldfish.

In order to reduce the deficit in government spending, the United States is seeking to tax visitors as they enter and exit. The tax is similar to airport improvement fees, charged in various airports around the world.

Driven by the effects of the bad economy and increasing costs of fishing insurance and overfishing in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, hoardes of ravenous raptorial predators with a taste for flesh are showing up around our coastlines and attacking humans.

According to the principle of nonduality, there is no good economy without a bad economy, no positive without a negative, no silver lining without a cloud. It is like two sides of the same coin, that is assuming you still have a coin left after the market crash.

A whole new twist to the world's oldest excuse, which started in 1893 by a third-grader named Winslow Greenbay. Winslow was the first student to utter the excuse, and was promptly caned mercilessly in front of his fellow classmates. The excuse is now evolved, and students are blaming the economy for not completing their assignments.

One thing I have noticed is how the economy is hitting our local radio stations. I am sure it is doing the same to other media, such as TV and newspapers alike. All of these businesses are driven by advertising revenue, and when that fall off it causes management to panic.

In California today, the episcopal religious fanatic reverend Penn Yan claimed that the bad economy was a punishment sent to us from the Almighty for falling into a level of sin and depravity involving credit cards. He said that God had told him earlier that mankind was making a serious mistake, but at that time none would listen to him.

We are in the eye of an economic hurricane. Battered by over a hundred million dollars per hour winds, the economy has catastrophically failed in what is the largest man-made disaster in history. Although it seems the worst is over, there is more to come.

Scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North have been monitoring the state of the ozone layer and the rapidly melting polar ice caps. When you combine it with our data on the economic collapse, you see a startling connection.

With the economy as bad as it is, many people are out of work, and those who are still employed are keeping money in reserve for when they lose their jobs. How can you sell cars, when few people have the disposable income available to buy? With the size of the overall pie shrinking, how can you get more of the pie for yourself by stealing from your competitors?

This bad economy is a great time for small business owners. You can get away with atrocities of a magnitude and frequency not seen since the second world war, and blame it on the economy. Government is doing exactly this, and pulling the wool over the people, so don't forget to do your part.

The U.S. Government has warned that the 20 year old network of satellites that make up the Global Positioning System (GPS) could fail by 2010 - sending millions of people around the globe back to the stone age. For many, the results could be deadly.