All Those Government Conspiracies Are True In A Bad Economy

"The Canadian housing market is strong, but it is not experiencing a bubble," Paul Jenkins, senior deputy governor of the Bank of Canada said recently. In order to catch up with the US, the Canadian Government is working to create a housing bubble of it's own, somewhere near New Brunswick. The idea is that so few people will want to live there, the demand will never keep up with the supply.

With lots of companies strapped for cash, the trickle-down economy has even reached a type of assassin originally from Japan, known as ninjas. The demands for assassinations, and various covert activities that the average ninja specializes in, has remained low for the past year and a half.

Many unemployed workers found that they are making no less of a difference than they did when they were working. This shocking revelation leads to the conclusion that their previous jobs did not matter. It was like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, their work was more busy work than something significant.

Canada's main stock market index has been under constant pressure in this bad economy, from investors to identify the good stocks from the bad ones, so that the investors would have an easier time making money. This comes after a four-week-long losing streak, which has upset many.

Just days away from the Vancouver 2010 Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games, and no one is in town. In this bad economy, people either can't afford or are not interested in attending the event. You can even get tickets to some events from scalpers, priced at below the origial selling price, which is unheard of. This is just more evidence that the recession is getting worse, and not better as some might report.

Over the past year, state revenue collections have dropped dramatically, creating large budget gaps for many states. At least 30 states and Washington, DC are making budget cuts specifically targeting K-12 education. The long term impact is the creation of a country of morons.

This holiday season in North America was the worst on record, as many retailers struggled to make it through. Although inventory and staffing were cut to the bone, sales were even worse than expected. Many stores are wondering if they will continue to survive if the trend continues.

In several provinces across Canada, consumers are getting the provincial tax incentive on wide screen TVs bought after January 1st, as part of a push to get consumers over to the new technology.

The time that many people fear is soon approaching. Due to the bad economy last year, many people have not been able to put away enough money to pay their taxes this year, and so there is a scramble to find enough money in time.

More and more employers and managers are jumping on the economy bandwagon. If you do something crazy, you can blame it on the current economic crisis and it is like a magic 'get out of jail free' card. This is too good an opportunity to miss out on, so get with the program folks.

Santa condemned as he outsources work to India.

Tonight’s shocking news is that Santa Claus today has laid off his entire elf workforce and moved the entire operation involved in the construction of presents and the administration of letters to Santa to Bangalore in India.

As the economy continues to sink deeper, scientists have been working on a new approach to solving the global economic crisis. The plan is to go back in time and stop the economic collapse before it ever happens. If they can find a point where changing a few events can stop the economic meltdown, then the bad economy would simply not have happened.

Despite protests, the government is moving to contain the swine flu pandemic by fencing off the entire state of Iowa. National guard are stationed at all roads in or out of the state, and all flights are grounded. Amtrak passenger trains are ordered not to stop as they cross the state, and Greyhound buses have to detour via Minnesota to avoid the quarantine area.

The H1N1 swine flu pandemic is growing worse at an alarming rate, helped in part by the bad economy. The numbers of hospitalizations for H1N1 and also H1N1 related deaths are increasing from one week to the next, and are soon to exceed the levels reached in June when the first wave of the pandemic was at it's peak.

With the continuing depression comes the revival of a video format long thought to be ahead of its time. Well it just could be that the time is now right for the emergence of what the press are calling "Betamax Reloaded". This new/old technology could very well revolutionize the way we record and play movies in the near future, and it is all due to market pressure from the global economic crisis.