- Written by Duncan
Lots of people have already lost their jobs as a result of the bad economy, and the job market continues to hemorrhage at an increasing rate. It's like jobs are going out of style. So what do you to do earn a living out there during this great depression? Here are some ideas to cash in on the depression, from the people who brought you Barney the purple dinosaur.
Not every business is going downhill. For example, if you own a bar, then you could have more depressed downsized corporate types, trying to numb the pain with alcohol. You could keep happy hour going all day. Just be sure to take cash or debit, don't trust credit cards or cheques and don't let them run a tab.
You could start a business selling suicide pills. I imagine you could set up some kind of vending machines (Vend-O-Death) outside each of the major banks, and you could make a killing - literally! Of course this will require some laws to be changed, before you can do this without being arrested, but it is only a matter of time. In several states it is already ok to sell suicide pills to lawyers. We expect insurance and banking to be next on the list of exemptions.
You can encourage people to buy one for their partner, since nothing says "I love you" like our heart shaped suicide pill.
For mass layoffs, there are multi-packs available, also pre-mixed with koolaid. As my favorite sales trainer says, "Sell them in bunches like bananas."
If you don't want to be directly involved in knocking off your competition for future jobs, perhaps you can make some income from the suicide spin off economy. For example, you could help people do their will before they visit the vending machine, or you could sell burial plots or do funeral flower arrangements.
Better still, how about you create a website that lists all the favorite bridges to jump off of, and what times are best to jump, the likelihood you will be stopped by the authorities and of course the likelihood you will actually be killed by the fall. You could then sell advertising to the companies that sell funeral services and vending machines on your site.
For those who are not suicidal, perhaps you could start a resume preparation service, so that laid off people will compete for jobs if there are any out there. You could offer a free vending machine token with each resume, in case it does not work out.
Do not neglect the huge forecloseure market, and all the related businesses. Banks are no longer lending money like water. When the bank refuses to renew their mortgage, people will be flocking to your doors. You might want to invest in the following:
- moving companies
- storage companies
- slum rental housing
- cardboard box sales
- shopping cart manufacturers
Restaurants and movies did well during the last depression. People went out to avoid the reality of their situation. So if you can get into these kind of businesses you can capitalize on the escapism of the masses.
Don't forget that Iceland went bankrupt a few months ago. They could be having a garage sale by now, and you could buy up something cheap and sell it on eBay. I would avoid things like whale blubber and icebergs.