- Written by Joan
Daylight Saving Time starts this coming weekend, and around the world economists view this event with dread and trepidation.
Said one economist, "This is like winning a concrete life preserver, and you are already on the Titanic."
One of the reasons for daylight saving time is to conserve energy. The results of a Department of Energy study, however, clearly refute that claim. So the reasoning behind it is flawed and based on false assumptions. Another false assuption is that the USA does not know where Bin Laden is, but we shall leave that for another article.
Just at the time when we need it, we have to lose a whole hour of trading around the globe. And that's not all. Different time zones change at different times, and the confusion that follows can ruin a whole day. Within a 24 hour period, literally Trillions of dollars can be lost by careless fund managers and greedy bank CEOs. Analysts expect the Dow to free fall below 6000 on that day, in accordance with a little known prophesy by Nostradamus.
Body clocks are thrown off. Productivity inevitably falls in the days following a switch, as people report groggily to work. That lost productivity adds up to billions of dollars lost in companies around the world. There is a rush on coffee around the globe, and insurance claims from automobile accidents threaten to bankrupt the entire industry. Expect that next week the automobile insurance will be coming to the table to a share of the bailout.
After all the automobile accidents, you will see a positive spike in the car rental service industry as people get service loaners, and a spike in the body shop industry. Also the consumption of gas will go up as people always leave more gas in the rental cars than when they got them, for fear of paying extra.
Admidst all the madness, only the province of Saskatchewan, straddling two time-zones gets to ignore daylight savings. They are a beacon of hope to the rest of the world. But they will not escape completely, since the drain on coffee threatens to close down Tim Hortons across the province.
Daylight Saving Time is also not observed in Hawaii, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, the Eastern Time Zone portion of the State of Indiana, and by most of Arizona (with the exception of the Navajo Indian Reservation in Arizona). These states and territories remain on their local "standard" time throughout the year. Of course the coffee in Hawaii is best when not disturbed by moving the clocks forward, which makes perfect sense.
Since 2006, Daylight Saving Time was extended by two months in the USA by the Energy Policy Act of 2005. Most of Canada followed suit, except the mighty Saskatchewan, of course. This was to protect northen states from noticing the alien spacecraft passing overhead, and conveniently ignored by Norad. Since the alien bases have been moved to the Antarctic, we expect the changes to Daylight Saving Time to be extended to the southern hemisphere any time soon.