Aliens Affected By The Economy

User Rating:  / 1
PoorBest 

Aliens Upset With EconomySince about 2010, alien abductions are down more that 70%, and cattle mutilations are down as much as 60%. We see this as a direct result of the bad economy here on Earth. Crop circles are on the increase though, and we believe this could be some kind of message to the leaders on Earth.

Scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North have been monitoring the situation as best they can. It has been hard to get exact numbers as many abduction victims are given amnesia drugs to hide the fact that they had been taken and probed. It could also be that the traumatic effects of the economic depression has overshadowed the reports.

Alien AbductionSome of those who can recall their abduction are not too keen to come forward and tell their story out of fear that they will be ridiculed by their their friends and neighbours. Most people are not too keen to come forward and announce that some aliens took them and probed their intimate parts aboard an alien space ship. Worse, they could be taken seriously by the government, and then taken to area 51 and locked away.

In the case of cattle mutilations, some can be attributed to terrestrial predators, but the sheer volume precludes that, or did until the economy started to tank. Since then, the overall numbers (both alien and other) have been in decline, just like the average wages and employment statistics.

Still, our scientists are able to study those abduction reports that are made public (just before the individuals disappear) and extrapolate the true numbers of abductions, and the results are clear for all to see.

Chart Of Abductions vs The Economy

As you can see the only line going against the trend is that of crop circles. Our scientists have been reviewing the patterns and locations, and believe that there are coded messages in the crop circles advising our leaders on how best to get the economy back on track.

Anal ProbingComing from an advanced race, they have obviously survived an economic collapse in their distant past and survived. The experience has so scarred them, that even now they are wary to interact with other races that are in economic turmoil. We believe they probably follow a principle we label as the prime economic directive, which requires them to step back from such economic meltdowns.

The messages in the crop circles, are likely their way to give subtle hints to our world on how to make it through to a financial recovery. If we could only get our world governments to take crop circles seriously and invest the time and energy into decoding the message, we could get out of this bad economy sooner. The chances of that are slim though, but we must keep trying.

Cattle Mutilation

Meanwhile, SETI cuts back funding, so we will have even less chance of direct contact in order to question them on the precise meanings in these messages. That is, unless you are one of the lucky few remaining abductees who gets chosen. In that case, bend over (a universal sign that you come in peace) and do your best to show them we are doing the best we can to get through this.

On a related note, there has still been no mention of the secret alien bases in the Arctic.