Bad Economy And Quantum Theory

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new branch of quantum mechanicsOur scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North have been studying the economic downturn and had to define new models to explain the seeming chaos in the world and the management decisions that caused it all. This has led to the exciting discovery of a new branch of quantum mechanics. We believe that this could result in the first nobel prize awarded for physics in journalism.

Around the turn of the millennium, our scientists  believe that the Earth passed close to an infinitely small quantum singularity. This is a phenomenon that creates an infinitely small mirror image and a temporal distortion, that caused a ripple effect across the global economy. As the economy was good, the mirror image was of a bad economy.

The resulting inverse tachyon particles were extremely short lived, so they were almost impossible to detect. You might have seen the effect on the second hand of a watch, where it might have gone backwards for just a fraction of a second, and then resumed normal behavior. Because the impact would have affected time itself, then devices such as atomic clocks were unable to detect the phenomena. Fortunately, there is another way to detect the event. Just like a cloud chamber can detect the presence of radioactive particles, showing the tracks of the particles, the global economy tanking shows the influence of the significant quantum effect.

Schrodingers cat theory of economicsAnother effect of the inverse tachyons is that it affects multiple points in time like ripples on a pond, diminishing approximately proportional to the square root of the time after the original event horizon. This means that secondary economic disasters become less likely over time, assuming the singularity was a singular event. Based on the Schrodinger's cat theory of economics, our economy is statistically both good and bad at the same time.

This theory helps explain the other events that happened around that time. A singularity also has gravimetric anomalies as well. For example, the orbit of the moon changed slightly around the same date. Ever since, calculated tide predictions do not match actual results. Also, the level of tectonic activity and resulting earthquakes have gone up exponentially since that date. All this evidence leads to the conclusion that a quantum singularity did in fact happen.

Taking this quantum singularity as a given, the question next is what can we do about it? This is too big to fix easily. The economy is in ruins, and the resulting earthquakes are costing countless billions that we cannot afford. If we remove incompetent politicians and bank presidents who made bad economic decisions, they will just hire new ones the next day.

Black hole of economic dispairOur scientists up in the frozen North are working hard to produce an artificial quantum singularity with a 180 degree phase shift, in the hope that the short lived event horizon will trigger a market correction that will lead to a catastrophic economic recovery. The possible side effect is that the planet could be collapsed and form a black hole, which is in a way a solution to the bad economy we are currently experiencing. If we survive both the collapse of the Earth, then the potential patent rights will be worth billions. Also many investment bankers who are known to short sell in a bad economy will be suddenly bankrupt.