Ninjas Affected By Bad Economy

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With lots of companies strapped for cash, the trickle-down economy has even reached a type of assassin originally from Japan, known as ninjas. The demands for assassinations, and various covert activities that the average ninja specializes in, has remained low for the past year and a half.


A number of ninjas in Japan were incorporated into the Japanese Secret Service, and are thus subject to public spending cuts in Japan as the country struggles with huge debts. Unfortunately, layoffs for a ninja are usually fatal.

The cost of supplies for ninjas has been increasing over the past years. For example, shuriken are those pointed star things that are thrown at a victim. To be a ninja, you don't have the time to stop and collect all the shuriken you have thrown, you have to get in, make a clean kill and get out undetected. So replacing shuriken is a regular monthly expense.

Ninjas typically charge a flat rate in gold for an assassination, not thinking about the fluctuations in the price of gold due to the economy. Therefore ninjas are open to changes in the commodity index.

And since, assassination is not a legally recognized profession in most countries, the average ninja cannot put the cost of consumable supplies as a deduction on their tax return. They cannot get a clothing allowance for their black uniforms, or deduct the cost of cleaning their victims blood off either. Strangely enough, the IRS expects ninjas to declare their income from assassinations and such as 'consulting income' and pay tax on it. This hardly seems fair!

Some people have suggested that the government offer some kind of training program to help ninjas find alternative forms of work, but so far it has fallen on deaf ears.

It is not easy for ninjas to get a loan to cover their operating costs during this economic down time. When a ninja goes into a bank, they often get mistaken for bank robbers, what with the black ninja uniform and a mask and all. Even if they make it past getting arrested or shot by an over zealous bank security guard, getting a loan is next to impossible. Let me explain further. The housing crisis was caused by “no documentation” or “stated income” mortgage loans which were affectionately known as ninja loans. Many of these loans were based on unsubstantiated lies from either the applicant, the mortgage broker or both. The lender that ultimately approved the loan did so without exercising due diligence to ensure that the applicant could afford the mortgage.

So, imagine if a real ninja walks into a bank and asks for a ninja loan, they are likely to be mistaken for these kind of loans, which are now outlawed. So as a ninja, getting a loan is harder than catching a poison tipped dart in your teeth while doing a back flip with a half twist.