Government Reneges On Promises To Bigfoot

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Claiming economic reasons, the government has backed out of treaty negotiations with the Bigfoot, Yeti and Sasquatch tribes that live throughout North America. These negotiations were hoped to resolve centuries old claims over territories claimed by these large hairy creatures.


Bigfoot tend to live in forested areas, largely in the Pacific Northwest region, and even claim to pre-date native americans in the area. The Yeti live further north, into the Yukon, and Alaska. Little is known of the Sasquatch territories, but it is assumed that they also live in the cooler climates towards the North.

"In this bad economy, our government has turned towards more pressing needs, such as job creation, stabilizing the economy and healthcare." said a spokesman from the Bureau of Indian Affairs, which is a part of the Department of the Interior tasked with negotiations with federally recognized tribes. Surprisingly, this also includes the Bigfoot, Yeti and Sasquatch. Unlike such things as Area 51 and the Caramilk secret, the existence of Bigfoots or Sasquatch are not denied. The issue is what to do with them.

Given the current economic trends, it could be a long time before these hairy creatures get any kind of a negotiated settlement. And until recently, officials have denied their existence, which has greatly reduced public support for their cause. This has led to a life in hiding, shunning modern society, and any form of electric razors. With an appearance something like Chewbacca, they have trouble integrating into modern society, and most prefer a life spent hunting and foraging for food in the forests, as far away from civilization as possible. Sometimes they live on and around tall mountains where few people would find them.

Without a land to call their own, the Bigfoot are at the bottom of the economic ladder. They are unable to build casinos and sell fish or find other ways to earn an income. Most Bigfoot do not even have the money to buy shoes, and this is confirmed when we see imprints of their huge footprints found in remote places. So when you think about how badly off you are in this recession, think about the Bigfoot and the Sasquatch. Imagine what it would be like to wander around outdoors without shoes or socks, or how hard it would be to sleep in cold weather when your feet are cold!

Bigfoot supporters are calling on the government to return to the negotiations. If you could write to your senator and tell them they should respect Bigfoot rights and not push it under the rug. The time has come to do something! These creatures do not have healthcare, or even a vote, since they do not carry identification. If we do not stand for Bigfoot rights, they will soon become an endangered species.