Bad Economy Punishment From God

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Punishment From GodIn California today, the episcopal religious fanatic reverend Penn Yan claimed that the bad economy was a punishment sent to us from the Almighty for falling into a level of sin and depravity involving credit cards. He said that God had told him earlier that mankind was making a serious mistake, but at that time none would listen to him.

Reverend Yan

Preaching to his congregation in southern California about the sins of credit cards, lines of credit and second mortgages, he explained that God has returned to clean house. All debtors would be held accountable for their actions, and investment banks doubly so.

"We were blindly going down the slippery slope to financial oblivion, fully detached from God and cleaving to our blessed HDTV sets, regardless of the costs." he said.

The reverend claims to have received word from the almighty on the matter. "When they came out with sub prime mortgages it upset our Lord no end. But when default credit swaps came out, He told me it was time to put a stop to it all."

Church LineupHis church in southern California is full to bursting every day with repentant investors, insurance and banking executives coming from just about everywhere. Even some unnamed AIG executives, fearful that their bonuses would earn them eternal damnation, were attending. All are hoping that the reverend can get in a good word with God on their behalf.

Critics say that God would not punish mankind for credit failings, because the bible says that we are currently in a time called the dispensation of Grace. Others suggest that these are the last days, where punishment will come at the White throne of Judgment. If these last days are upon us, then what the reverend claims makes sense.

Still others say that God has been remarkably slow in punishing most of Europe for it over the past few decades, and claim that indicates he is showing favoritism.

Bad EconomyReverend Yan expects at least seven times seven years of a declining economy, of no less than 3% annually. Both governments and many large institutions will crumble and fall away before this is over. Most investment funds, pensions and sheltered plans will become as dust. Only those righteous houses without HDTV can hope to be spared. The reverend himself has lived under a vow of poverty for years.