- Written by Duncan
Due to the increasing number of layoffs in this bad economy, more people than ever before are unemployed and sitting at home eating Cheez Whiz, hoping that the economy will bounce back and they can go back to work. As a result the global demand for the product is up over 3000%, leading to shortages in some areas.
Cheez Whiz is a thick processed cheese sauce sold by Kraft Foods, since 1953. The target market for this product is out of work adult geeks who live in their parents basement. As a processed food, it contains both regular cheese combined with various additional emulsifiers, stabilizing agents and ingredients that enhance the color, flavor and texture to better appeal to their target market.
As the economic downturn has progressed, it has put more people out of work, giving us record levels of unemployment. While employed people have a liking to healthy food, including vegetables, the unemployed get depressed and end up sitting alone on their sofas, watching Oprah and eating comfort foods such as Cheez Whiz and Kraft dinner. As the economy gets even worse, some people end up so depressed that they give up bathing and turn to products that they can eat directly from the jar without preparation.
So, with millions of unemployed getting more and more depressed, the demand for Cheez Whiz has gone through the roof. Normally this would be good for Kraft Foods, but since the economic downturn, they have pared back their worldwide production facilities in a series of global cost-cutting initiatives. The demand for Cheez Whiz has exceeded the supply, leaving shelves bare at supermarkets and especially corner stores, since most unemployed geeks can't afford a car to drive them to the supermarket.
With a new found scarcity a huge black market in Cheez Whiz has popped up, with jars of the product for sale on places like craigslist and eBay, priced at more than double the manufacturers recommended retail price. Some wholesalers have been accused of hoarding Cheez Whiz, and at some stores there has been lineups where deliveries were expected. In one store, there was almost a riot when hoardes of overweight geeks in a diabetic induced haze tried to jump the line.
Meanwhile, Kraft Foods is working franticly to re-tool some of their mayonnaise production facilities to manufacture the bright yellow, viscous paste we all know and love. Fortunately, they just needed to adjust some of the ingredients and change the packaging.