- Written by Cyber Mole
(And the Tooth Fairy too)
The latest shocking news story concerning the current state of the bad economy we have uncovered has been the wholesale redundancies of fairy Godmothers and tooth fairies.
With the lack of money around, coupled with the rise in dental caries caused by people skimping on dental care as either companies chop that part from their employee benefit packages or people are laid off, there was no way that the tooth fairies could continue to operate.
"We were getting in more orders and there was just not enough revenue to cover the costs" said a senior tooth fairy who wished to remain anonymous. "something had to give and yesterday we were all called in and informed that we were being laid off because of the financial situation and the economic downturn."
This will come as a bitter blow to many children who expected to help out with family finances by bringing in badly needed cash to help pay the bills. Some of whom have been hit by a rise of the number of cooties infections as reported recently. Some kids even slept with their head under the pillow in the hope of a windfall, but all they will get is a sore kneck.
Of course the real shock surprise was also the laying off of several Fairy godmothers, including the one that once worked with the famous Cinderella.
"We could understand the tooth fairies" Cinderella’s fairy-Godmother complained, "But how come we were laid off? I suspect this is the work of Buttons who carried a torch for Cinderella and was outraged when she scorned him for Prince Charming. Buttons promised he would get even, because he blamed me for his own inadequacies and last I heard he had got a job in management. The truth of the matter was that Cinders was way out of his league and he was delusional if he ever thought he had a snowball’s chance in Hell with Cinders"
We approached Buttons for a comment but he declined on advice from his legal team.
Union representative of the National Union of fantasy characters, Tinker Bell declared these lay offs as reckless and totally unfair. "It was the investment bankers who wrecked the economy and then the Greek economy fell appart, and now the poor hardworking fairies and fairy-Godmothers who are the ones being made to pay the price for their incompetence. The laying off of the tooth fairies is a false economy as it removes money from circulation. It is cutting off the nose as well as extracting the teeth to spite their faces. As for the Fairy Godmothers, we have been told that there is a shortage of those of the calibre of Prince Charming and young women must be more realistic in times of austerity. This is completely rubbish, the Fairy-Godmothers had already showed that they could branch out by the increase in the number of WAGs"
We approached the powers that be about these redundancies but nobody was available to comment, we did however get this statement.
"We are sorry about the loss of jobs in this sector, but as everyone all knows these are tough times and we need to address the budget deficit, so cuts had to be made. It may seem a disappointment to traditionalists, but we believe that those who once used the services of fairy God-mothers and tooth fairies have now moved on to other things like X-boxes, Wii-Fit and other such devices. We had to make hard choices and regrettably here was where the axe has had to fall."
We also approached Cinderella for a comment but she declined to comment on legal advice, especially as she was now engaged in a very acrimonious divorce from Prince Charming.