Rich Get Richer

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Merrill Lynch, which got bought out by Bank of America,  gave it's executives $3.6 billion in bonuses, despite suffering unprecedented losses. Government is impotent to do anything but hand out public money in bailout packages, which ends up as bonuses for their executives.


The global wealth gap, which has been expanding tremendously in the last 20 years, is showing little signs of diminishing even as the economy slows. In 2008, Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley each paid out executive bonuses, at well above four billion dollars, that dwarfed their incomes despite 10 billion dollars in bailout money.

JP Morgan paid out over eight billion dollars in bonuses, also dwarfing earnings, having received 25 billion dollars of bailout money. There is no plans to return any of those bonuses. The European Union and the G20 are trying to come up with sanctions to curb the executive troughs, but so far their efforts have been futile.

In our underground bunkers in the frozen North, our scientists have come to the conclusion that many in the banking and finance and indeed in politics are actually an alien race of lizard like creatures. They seem to have given up the idea of a friendly contact and are pushing for a global economic meltdown as part of their conquest-from-within plan.

Meanwhile, in several countries, the unemployment levels are reaching the thresholds where unemployment insurance will not be able to sustain them. In some cases, jobless are getting notices that their benefits will run out earlier than was previously expected.

In Canada, the lottery - a long known tax on the poor, is feeling the pinch. The lottery corporation is reporting that sales of tickets are down. People are having to choose between food and the slim hope of winning a jackpot. Perhaps they should have tried a career in investment banking or insurance.

The severity of the recession has led many to thoughts of suicide. For example, sales of the vend-o-death have been climbing steadily.

 Suicide Vending Machine

In one large North American city, the number of suicides by people jumping off a well-known bridge has grown to the point that the city had to step in. People wishing to jump now have to buy a ticket in advance, while at the same time they are provided with a brochure offering counseling services. The fees collected go towards disposal of bodies, in the event that the deceased did not make provisions for themselves.

China has come up with a novel idea. In China more than 40 million farmers survived on 1,196 yuan or less last year, and are not very happy with life. The size of China's poor population could exceed 100 million - that is, at least one out of 13 Chinese still live in poverty, and many of them have thoughts about going to visit their ancestors. Those suicidal people who do not succeed the first time are rounded up and sent to a special kind of clinic, where they are quietly euthanized and their organs are harvested and sold internationally.Wealthy foreigners can order replacement body parts, and possibly live for ever, or until the lizard creatures get to them.