Downsizing For Fun & Profit

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What better time to take advantage of an opportunity to flush out the dead wood, and make some strategic cuts! Now you can do things that even Machiavelli could not have gotten away with, and blame it on the recession.

For example, have all your staff sell their homes to relocate closer to work, and then you lay them off. Cancel the company picnic one day before the date. Lay off people while they are on a business trip an cancel their company cards. See if they can get home then.

After committing such acts that could elsewhere be deemed war crimes, you then blame it all on the economy. If the company survives long enough, you can take the credit for making the tough decisions that brought the company through.

Call an all-hands meeting, and divide the staff into two groups and have them go into to two rooms. Then wait for an hour or two while they wonder which group still has jobs.

Arbitrarily cut budgets left right and center. Take no prisoners.

Have staff take a pay cut to avoid more layoffs, and then the next week lay off a bunch of them anyways. The remaining group are now on reduced pay and worried who will go next.

You can have fun that the Marquis de Sade could not have imagined - until you run out of staff.