Solar Activity and the Bad Economy
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- Written by Cyber Mole
Space scientists have revealed that the Sun, which should be showing signs of solar activity as it is due to be at its solar maximum in its eleven year cycle has gone very quiet.
"I've been a solar physicist for 30 years, and I've never seen anything quite like this," says Richard Harrison, head of space physics at the Rutherford Appleton Laboratory in Oxfordshire.
Aliens Affected By The Economy
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- Written by Duncan
Since about 2010, alien abductions are down more that 70%, and cattle mutilations are down as much as 60%. We see this as a direct result of the bad economy here on Earth. Crop circles are on the increase though, and we believe this could be some kind of message to the leaders on Earth.
Read more shocking details about Aliens Affected By The Economy
Economy Leads To Bad Driving
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- Written by Duncan
It has become more dangerous on the roads since the economy has collapsed. New drivers are forced to cut costs, as safety takes a back seat to frugality. Accident numbers are on the rise. Wrecking yards and hospital emergency wards are working at above normal levels. Driving examiners report that the failure rate for driving tests is at an all-time high.
Flu Season Worsened By Economy
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- Written by Paul
According to the National Foundation for Infectious Diseases, the Department of Health and Human Services and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the flu season this year is the worst in history, and causes point directly to the bad economy. Unless we can do something get out of this recession, we are likely going to die sneezing and coughing soon.
China Buys Italy
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- Written by Paul
The Chinese Foreign Ministry and the Italian President Silvio Berlusconi today jointly announced today that China will be taking over ownership and control of Italy, in exchange for payment in full of Italy's deficit. The exact amount is not disclosed at this time, but is anticipated to be in the trillions of Euros.
Bad Economy initiating coverage on RIMM
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Realizing that most stock analysts are little more than gazing at tea leaves, or stating the obvious after it is too late, we have decided to throw our hat into the ring.
RIMM = Sinking Ship
We are starting with a rating for RIMM, of "Sinking Ship". If you are holding a long position in RIMM, you are hereafter referred to as a "rat", and encouraged to jump ship as soon as possible.
Airport Security Hit By Bad Economy
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- Written by Security Watchdog
Over one hundred security screeners were laid off at YVR airport due to budgetary constraints. This is just the tip of the iceberg, as many airports across North America are cutting costs and making difficult decisions. The impact of these cutbacks could be devastating to the security of air travel worldwide, not to mention the impact to the time needed to get through airport security prior to boarding your flight.
Bad Economy And Quantum Theory
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Our scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North have been studying the economic downturn and had to define new models to explain the seeming chaos in the world and the management decisions that caused it all. This has led to the exciting discovery of a new branch of quantum mechanics. We believe that this could result in the first nobel prize awarded for physics in journalism.
Radiation From Japan Causes Rain in USA
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- Written by Duncan
Increasing amounts of nuclear radiation has made its way across the pacific towards North America, bringing slight increases in the background levels of radiation. It is now detectable in cow's milk and some vegetables such as broccoli, as far as six thousand miles from the disaster site. Another side effect has been the increased amount of rain on the west coast. This has lead to a positive economic impact for some businesses.
More Earthquakes On The Way
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Since our previous articles on the impact of the bad economy on the orbit of the moon, flooding and earthquakes, things have gone from bad to worse. These global disasters, caused by the economic collapse, are now causing more economic havoc in the world. We are on the brink of the abyss, armed with a lead life preserver to keep us afloat.
Bad Economy Hits Penguins Hard
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Yet another casualty of the global economic downturn has come to light. Penguins are suffering on multiple fronts.
Penguins live in the southern hemisphere, especially in the Antarctic region, where jobs are already limited. A number of the government research bases, including the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, have had to cut back on hiring due to the economy, and have put various projects on hold. As a cute fuzzy creature in a tuxedo, it is hard enough to get a job, and now the jobs are getting fewer.
Unemployment Worse Than 1982
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- Written by Paul
It seems that times change, but the problems stay the same. In the following video you'll see that in 1982 there were problems with unemployment, just as there is now. The bad economy of the time caused massive layoffs, and record unemployment. History does teach us that at least it seems to be cyclical, so it may just be a matter of time before things correct themselves.
Leprechauns Threatened In A New Irish Exodus
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- Written by Cyber Mole
One chilling discovery we at Bad Economy have recently found out, from those anonymously speaking off of the record, is that Ireland’s population of Leprechauns have recently been getting death threats ordering them to hand over their precious crocks of gold. Those willing to speak anonymously have said the threats came from those with an Elbonian accent.
Paranoia And The Bad Economy
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- Written by Duncan
Recently this very publication was targeted by hackers from India, while at the same time North Korea started shelling South Korea during our reporter's visit to Seoul. Icelandic government is threatening to set off another volcanic eruption, if the EU does not forgive their loans. Coincidence? I think not.
Bad Economy Leads To New Ice Age
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This winter will likely be one of the coldest ones in recent history, with extended cold spells, snow, and expanding ice flows. Scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North have been monitoring the worsening state of the bad economy and have identified that it is causing global cooling at a dramatic rate. Unless the economy improves dramatically within the next 12 to 24 months, we are likely to enter into a new ice age.
Economy Impacts Cheez Whiz
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Due to the increasing number of layoffs in this bad economy, more people than ever before are unemployed and sitting at home eating Cheez Whiz, hoping that the economy will bounce back and they can go back to work. As a result the global demand for the product is up over 3000%, leading to shortages in some areas.