All Those Government Conspiracies Are True In A Bad Economy

Cellular network carriers across North America are feeling the pinch in this economic downturn. They are implementing cost cutting measures that actually cause more dropped calls for customers. The changes are so subtle, that it is hard for customers to detect, yet they save the networks millions of dollars.

Crazies and mad people are really upset about the economic downturn, and are no longer willing to stand by and let it go to hell without a comment. Insane assylums and mental hospitals are now a seething mass of resentment for the politicians and unethical businesses that have flushed our financial system down the toilet.

Canadians & Americans declare war over taxes this month, as many Canadians are hit by higher taxes in the form of a new HST tax.  Thousands of canucks flocked south through the border to the USA both to avoid the HST tax and to take advantage of their new tax exempt status. Unfortunately, they were met with mixed responses.

Another fallout of the economic downturn, brought to you by our scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North. Zombies have been decimated by the current economic climate. It seems that these reanimated corpses are dependent on a good economy for their very existence. Zombie sightings are way down, all due to the unemployment and lack of funds to pay for burial expenses.

 (And the Tooth Fairy too)

The latest shocking news story concerning the current state of the bad economy we have uncovered has been the wholesale redundancies of fairy Godmothers and tooth fairies.
With the lack of money around, coupled with the rise in dental caries caused by people skimping on dental care as either companies chop that part from their employee benefit packages or people are laid off, there was no way that the tooth fairies could continue to operate.

Scientists in our underground bunkers in the frozen North have been monitoring the state of the economic downturn, and it's effect on the world. Some of these impacts can be directly seen, but others, such as changes in the infection rate of various diseases are difficult to identify without access to a high-speed super computer to sift through the huge amounts of economic and other data.

Less than a month to go now as Canada rolls out new taxes for two of its provinces and increases the taxes on a third province. All of this is a big cash grab to help pay for the huge bailout packages given out to the banking and automobile sectors last year. The timing is very bad as it happens to be at the worst time to roll out new taxation, since the whole country is still reeling from the recession, and likely about to go down for the second time in two years. Some claim this is further evidence that the government is run by a race of lizard like aliens who do not have our best interests at heart, and who are actively causing an economic downturn for their amusement.

Amazing prophesy by an unnamed postal worker during services at the Church Of Dim Sum revealed all about the economy. "As long as the economy remains bad, we can kiss world peace goodbye." he said. This was a unique prophesy, and the first for the postal worker, who has asked to remain nameless for fear of retribution from his co-workers who did not get any dim sum. Although it is not uncommon for prophesy to happen, it was a new experience for the surprised postman and his guests. Some believed this was a sign, and renewed their commitment to the faith on the spot.

Stocks continue to dive on news of the latest job growth report from the Department of Labor. It reports that the jobs are not coming back as expected, and in fact if you take out census hiring, there was no job growth at all. Private sector hiring has practically dried up. The economic crisis in Europe continues to push the Euro into a decline of biblcal proportions on concerns about fiscal troubles. All this has lead to an increase in the rate of suicides by investors.

As the recession deepens and more people become victims of the worst recession since the 1930's, there is increasing pressure on individuals to find new ways to make money. The creativity and innovative ways people come up with has no limits.

Financial markets are reeling over the collapse of most of western Europe, which is pushing the global economy further down the toilet. First Greece, then Italy, Spain and Portugal. By the time the dust settles, be prepared to see China to go under, which will flush the remains of the economy past the U bend and past the point of no return.

Once burned twice shy. With the recession going into it's second year, trust of any kind is at an all-time low. With governments, banking and insurance companies failing the very people they are supposed to serve, there is little confidence any more. There is a lot of fear in this recession, where people are afraid to risk what little they have left. There is a lot of suspicion when it comes to anyone who is trying to sell something, be it an idea a product or service.

Cheating is when a person or organization misleads, deceives, or acts dishonestly on purpose. The government cheats the electorate, the banks cheat customers, and at this time of year everyone is cheating on their taxes. In the current economic climate, we are bending the rules, and seeing how far they can go and get away with it. We believe everyone else is too.

An increasing number of people are suffering from comas, and keeping them alive is causing a growing drain on the healthcare system. With the worsening economic climate of a double dip recession, maintaining a large number of coma patients on life support has become a luxury that is too expensive to continue.

The state of Arizona, in a revolutionary announcement yesterday, celebrated the outsourcing of the last remaining full-time position to Bangalore India. Other jobs were sent overseas to places including China and the Philippines, the Governor announced, from the state legislative building, now located in Shanghai.